Something to add to my Australian “To Do” List
I’m still reading Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country. I’m taking my time through it because I want to savor it as much as possible. It’s hilarious and if you haven’t yet read it you are missing out.
I’ve just finished a page where Bryson has a conversation with an Australian local about the giant bull in Wauchope. It reminded me of something from my childhood (Am I old enough to use this phrase yet?), but first let’s talk about this bull.
These large scale tourist attractions (a.k.a. “big things“, not to be confused with “precious things“) are, apparently, quite popular in Australia. This fiberglass moo-sterpiece is located in Wauchope, a town in NSW that’s largely into dairy farming and timber.What makes this baby special is it’s testicles sway in the wind! How cool is that? Say what you will, but a 46 foot tall fiberclass bull with a swaying sack is a must see in my book.
Unfortunately, I’ve read that the testicles are no longer attached to to the bull’s fiberglass underbelly. I was not able to determine if it’s fact or bullshit (in this case), but the story goes as follows:
A young kid once jumped and swang on the bull’s testicles “Tarzan style”. Unfortunately for him, the testicles could not support his weight and they snapped and crushed him. According to the legend, the boy was rushed to the hospital and the testicles were not reattached. So, in a nutshell, the boy ended up cow-strating the bull.
The Wauchope bull has now become my second favorite piece of Australian cattle. (Nothing can top an Australian tetherd cow, however, no matter how big its balls are.). Whether the scrotum-swinging story is just a myth or not, I am still curious as to where the testicles currently reside if not attached to the bull.
This small snippet from Bryson’s book reminded me of my own “big thing” experience. And before I go on, get your mind out of the gutter. I know what it is you’re thinking and that’s not what I mean.
I was on vacation with my family and we had been driving all night. My dad had pulled into a random parking lot in the early hours of the morning because he was dog tired from driving for so many hours. There was also a terrible rainstorm, and visibility was limited to a foot from the van at best. Another good reason to pull over and catch up on some sleep.
When I awoke the next morning and stepped out of the van to stretch, I was shocked and amazed to find that I was standing at the feet of the Jolly Green Giant. “Where the hell am I?” I thought to myself. Of all the parking lots in all the state, we pull into this one. It’s definitely something to see, though, sadly, it does not feature any swaying jolly green gonads.
I’ve also seen a Sinclair Dinosaur someplace, but I can’t remember where. (It didn’t have pendulating genitalia either, though I can attribute the lack of this to the scientific truth that no one has ever seen a Brontosaur’s testicles and lived to tell the tale.)
December 6th, 2005 at 12:53 am
Oh yes, we have lots of big things. I grew up in Goulburn which is famous for the Big Merino.
There is a testicles story attached to the Big Merino also, but I think it is probably apocryphal. Suffice to say that while the story is attached, the testicles aren’t, any longer.
PS Word Verification for this is xmacpz, which is almost xmacpc which for some reason I thought was amusing.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:51 pm
So are big things popular for their own reasons, or are they just excuses to build giant genitals around the countryside?
December 6th, 2005 at 6:29 pm
anne arkham: God forbid any of our political leaders get their own statues. Seems awfully selfish to have just male “big things” though. I believe swaying breasts could be a thing of the future.
WV=”bnuuedo” => “bueno” and “nude”. How fitting.
December 8th, 2005 at 6:06 pm
I can remember one a boy scout trip one morning waking up to the Joyy Green Giant. Can’t recall the location but I to have seen things. “Bead”